Recovering from Our Miscarriage

Last month, Christine surprised me with the best news I had heard all year: we're going to have another baby!  I was overjoyed as were all of the kids.  I knew I wanted another baby, but I didn't talk about it much because it wasn't something Christine and I had agreed on together.  I was perfectly happy having 5 terrific children anyway.

But hearing that we were having another one got everyone in our family so very excited.  The kids were all cheering about it, and we made this cute announcement for Facebook:


Several weeks later, we were hit with the horrible news that our baby didn't survive past 6 weeks in utero. We had never experienced a miscarriage before. In our minds, that was hardly even a possibility. And now it was a reality. 

The hardest part for me was telling the kids. We told them each individually. Angel rushed into our arms and cried with us. Harmony sobbed and said through her tears "We were so excited." Chase handled it like a champ (or perhaps like a kid with little understanding of the weight we felt). Tony was more reserved with his emotions. He took to his Bible and preferred to discuss the theological implications of what happened. Charity cried silently with us and every few minutes would squeak out the same phrase "The baby died." This would be followed by renewed sobs. 

Something I didn't expect was just how many of our friends and acquaintances would tell us they've gone through the same thing. One friend and his wife (who had a miscarriage between pregnancies) were surprised to hear this was our first. The doctor told us that 1 in 5 pregnancies end this way. The sonographer at the doctor's office had experienced one herself and said they see one at the clinic every day (sometimes 3 or 4 times in a day). People don't share it often because it's so painful and they don't want to scare new moms. 

But the thing that has impressed me the most: our family and friends have been amazing in their support. Christine's mom and sister came to stay for a few days to comfort and help Christine. My mom knitted us a small, memorial baby blanket. My best friend took me out for lunch. Christine's friends made a care basket and dinners for us. Our pastor and his wife invited us over for dinner and conversation. Other close friends are watching our kids so Christine and I can have a night away. And my dad even paid for us to fly somewhere on vacation and stay in a nice hotel while he and my mom watch the kids. 

We are still dealing with the pain of the loss, but our hearts are full of gratitude for our kids, our family, our friends, and our church. We are immensely blessed by God for them.

One more thing that this experience taught us: we now know just how much we as a family desire this child. And we will keep trying and trusting God to give us another Moritz.

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